50 marketing mistakes / Mistake #14
Mistake #14 of 50Don’t write emails like a corporation if you’re not one.
“We are pleased to announce…” Stop. Write like a human being talking to another human being.
What it costs you
Nobody talks like that.
“We are pleased to announce…”
“We value your business.”
“Please do not hesitate to contact us at your earliest convenience.”
Nobody talks like that. Not you. Not your customer. Not anybody at your counter.
It sounds like it came from a building, not a person.
You’re not a building. A real person is the reason people pick a small business in the first place.
A real example
Four sentences from Mike
The owner of an auto repair shop could send this: “We are pleased to inform you that your recent service has been completed. We value your business and look forward to serving you again.”
Instead, he writes this:
“Hi Linda, thank you for trusting us with your car last week. I hope the new brakes made that drive up to Sacramento a lot less stressful. If anything ever feels off, call me directly. Mike”
Her name. One real detail that proves he remembered her. A thank-you. One easy next step.
That took about two minutes to write.
No coupon. No paragraph about the shop. Short is what makes it feel personal. Long makes it feel like marketing.
Why it happens
Why it still comes out stiff
If you wouldn’t say it out loud at your counter, don’t send it.
Do this instead
Write it like you’d say it.
Before anything goes out, read it out loud. If you wouldn’t say it to a customer’s face, change it.
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| “Dear Valued Customer” | Their first name. Spelled right. |
| “We are pleased to announce…” | “Big news: …” |
| “We value your business.” | “Thanks for coming in last week.” For what, exactly. |
| “Our team is committed to excellence.” | One real detail only you would know. |
| “Please do not hesitate to contact us.” | “Call me directly.” |
| “Sincerely, The Management” | Your name. |
Keep it short. Three or four sentences is plenty. If it runs longer, cut it. Short is what makes it feel personal.
Do this today
- 1
Open the last email you sent to customers, and read it out loud.
- 2
Circle every line you’d never say to someone’s face.
- 3
Rewrite it: their name, one real detail, a thank-you, one easy next step.
- 4
Send the new version to five customers today, signed with your own name.
You’re not a corporation. Stop writing like one. Write like you, and ask them to call you.
Stolen from the masters · Dale Carnegie
In 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People. It’s still one of the best-selling books ever written. Almost all of it comes down to being genuinely interested in people, and remembering their names. He wrote:
“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
“Dear Valued Customer” isn’t anybody’s name. Write to one person, and use it.
From the book
Chapter 15: Put It in an Envelope
Starts on page 135. The whole chapter, plus 250+ ways to market your business, in the free book.
Download the free bookIdeas that fix it
Sound like you. Then hand them something.
Idea 2 · book page 262Send a Personal EmailFreeCosts nothing and reaches a real person today.$0Idea 18 · book page 270Send a Thank-You EmailFreeEnds the job on a high note and invites the next one.
Idea 66 · book page 294Promotional Pens$0.30–$1.50 eachUseful, cheap, and passed from person to person.
Idea 163 · book page 343Journals$6–$15 eachUsed daily at the desk.
Idea 135 · book page 329Ceramic Coffee Mugs$3–$10 eachA good mug lives on a desk for years.
Idea 184 · book page 353Polo Shirts$12–$30 eachPolished uniforms and golf gifts.Want a plan written in your own voice?
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